WURTHAM ASYLUM

A handy guide to the evilest villains around.  Study these facts carefully, because you never know when some random psycho with a gun is going to come up and give you a pop quiz on bad webcomics.

casserly_pro_scapula

Real Name: Edgar Fabian

Occupation: Supervillain

Favorite Alice Cooper album: The Last Temptation

Appears in:

Would-be master criminal and terrorist, Scapula fights a daily battle to prove himself to the world…and fails every step of the way.  Sadly, he possesses neither the strength, courage or intellect to become a serious menace, and meets the bitter crush of defeat on a regular basis.  His fierce tenacity, coupled with not being able to know when he’s beaten, brings him back to crime again and again.

Scapula was once Edgar, aka “F***wad”, a miserable, frustrated child who grew up into a miserable, frustrated man. Deciding to embark on a career in  crime, he spent his life savings to have his face surgically removed and encased in a hard plastic skull-mask.  Armed with skeleton costume and a copy of The Anarchist’s Cookbook, a supervillain was born.

Although fueled by burning anger and intensity, Scapula nonetheless frightens no one.  He commands no respect, least of all from his gang of Halloween-masked henchmen (who only work for him because of the rotten economy).   All of his prison terms inevitably end with him getting shivved, raped, or noogied.  And while his years of pent-up rage would seem to make him a dangerous threat, he is crippled by the mother of all voodoo curses that keeps him clumsy and oblivious.  His only real “super power” is the ability to consume enough coffee and cigarettes to kill a normal man, along with somehow surviving a number of horribly painful accidents.

He sometimes writes moody, wretched poetry, possibly even worse than Vogons or goth high-schoolers.

casserly_pro_throgor

Real Name: Lawrence Creighton O’Connor

Occupation: Supervillain, Ugly Monster

Favorite Alice Cooper album: Constrictor

Appears in:

Severely deformed by an atavistic birth defect, Throgor was kicked out of the human race and became a menace.  His horrifying appearance, coupled with his foul hygiene, have made him a frightening monster and one of the most unpleasant villains around.   Throgor prefers the company of animals, since they don’t judge a person for smelling/looking like crap.  He frequently serves as both a rival or ally to Scapula, depending on his mood swings.

casserly_pro_hypnausea

Real Name: Vincent Alison

Occupation: Supervillain, dealer, ho

Favorite Alice Cooper album: Love It To Death

Appears in:

Performance artist turned drug dealer turned prostitute turned supervillain.  Hypnausea is the artistic ‘dandy-boy’ of the criminal underworld who specializes in over-the-top theatrical schemes.  Although he possesses no actual hypnotic skills, Hypnausea uses LSD, amanita mushrooms, and other yummy surprises as his weapons.  His haughty air of superiority barely conceals his shameful secrets: he completely failed to make a living as a fine artist and he’s easily KOed with a single hit.

casserly_pro_jemini

Real Name: Janice Selenei

Occupation: Criminal overlord

Favorite Alice Cooper album: From the Inside

Appears in:

Two-headed crime boss and the big brains behind most of the city’s crime rackets.  Jemini crawled her way to the top with a combination of cunning, craft, and flat-out meanness.  She may be brilliant and dastardly, but she has yet to find a way to control her emotions (she has a bad habit of killing her therapists).

casserly_pro_toxsick

Real Name: Roy Clement

Occupation: Public worker, supervillain

Favorite Alice Cooper album: Dirty Diamonds

Appears in:

A blue-collar supervillain, Toxsick has no delusions of grandeur or insane lust for power or vengeance.  He’s just a sewage worker by day who uses his gear at night to commit crimes and earn a few extra bucks.  For a guy who deals with noxious chemicals he may actually be the sanest of all the villains.

prof_halloweengang

The “HALLOWEEN GANG”

Real Names: Steven Grapevino, Homer Lao, and Randy Pansit

Occupation: Henchmen

Favorite Alice Cooper album: (Homer & Randy) Billion Dollar Babies, (Steven) Welcome to My Nightmare

Appears in:

Steve, Homer and Randy are the unhappy henchmen of Scapula.  In better economic times they worked steady jobs for noble causes; now, with things as cruddy as they are, they’re lackeying for a ninth-rate supervillain.  Taking a cue from the Brinks Job robbers, the ‘Halloween gang’ wear rubber monster masks, not so much to hide their identities from the law but from fear that their family and girlfriends might recognize them while they’re being bossed around by a wussy villain.

prof_knucklesam

KNUCKLE SAM

Real Name: Samantha Mitchell

Occupation: Sh**kicker

Favorite Alice Cooper album: School’s Out

Appears in:

Seven feet tall, 395 lbs, gang leader and daddy’s girl.  Knuckle Sam may be the toughest warlord on the streets, but deep down inside she’s a sensitive soul who just wants to see her enemies torn to bloody clumps.  Like every other woman, she hates Scapula.

prof_babirus

BABIRUS

Real Name: Andreas Gobe

Occupation: unemployed

Favorite Alice Cooper album: Flush the Fashion

Appears in:

The end result of seven generations of inbreeding, cannibalism, and massive drug use.  Babirus comes from a crazed family of underground-dwelling yokels, who use human parts for furniture, clothes, and hors d’ouvres (they make a ‘chicken’ cordon bleu that’s to die for…die! DIE!). Still, you can’t really blame Babirus; he doesn’t know any better and if he did, wouldn’t he still be judged for being a gruesome, hunchbacked simpleton? That’s right, he would! Go Babirus! Kill those judgmental buggers!

prof_dadaman

DADAMAN

Real Name: unknown, probably something stupid

Occupation: unknown if he works, probably does something stupid

Favorite Alice Cooper album: DaDa

Appears in:

Who is Dadaman?  What is Dadaman?  What the hell is wrong with Dadaman?  You can keep on asking questions, but the only answers you get will be random and illogical…which is precisely what Dadaman is all about.  Don’t think too much about it, and just run like hell if you happen to see him on the street, dancing in a tutu or smearing red paint and manure over someone’s property.